This is (I am very happy to announce) my 100th post! I had a hard time thinking about what I should write about for this special post… So I decided to talk to you about my life as I know it, and be totally real about it. Similar to what I did in a previous post “More about me” only this time I’m going to tell you about things that I have been through in my past, as well as about the people who have touched my life, and how these people/experiences have taught me lessons that I thought I would learn much later in life.
One of the hardest lesson’s life has taught me is that people you love will come and go from your life. It’s a lesson that I wish I didn’t have to learn so early in life, but I guess it’s a lesson that is best learned early in life. Kind of like medicine…you don’t like it, but it’s good for you. That is how I view this life lesson.
I recently learned this lesson with my best friend of 5 years. Although she was more of a sister to me. We did everything together, we knew the in’s and out’s of each other’s lives. We were their for one another no matter what went down. I believe that you learn something from every person you meet in your life, and I learned a lot from this girl. I learned about loyalty, friendship, hardship and so much more. We each had a lot of bad things going on in our lives that connected us right away, because we understood each other. We were there for each other.
Honestly this girl saved my life. She was there when I went through depression my Junior year in high school. It was a really bad time in my life. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t function. I wasn’t me anymore, and that scared me. It was even scarier when I had day’s when I was really happy, because I knew that it wouldn’t last. It finally got to the point where I tried to end my life. She knew what I tried to do, and decided that I needed real help. She got me the professional help I needed, and if she hadn’t done that, I honestly don’t think I would be here today. Words cannot describe the love I have for this girl, and I will never be able to repay her for what she did for me.Depression is a serious thing to go through and she was there for me every step of the way. She listened when no one else would.
But at the same time we has a friendship that was good and bad for you at the same time. We were both going through difficult things in our lives and we feed off of each other’s negative emotions. We condoned each other’s bad behavior/ choices to the point where it became destructive to our lives.
It saddens me to say that after five years of friendship, the bad began to outweigh the good. It was a friendship that brought out my bad qualities, and I had to make a decision to change that. I would still do anything for that girl, because a friendship like that doesn’t just end. But it was time that we disconnected a bit, so that we could each change into the women we were meant to be..and it was a change that we had to go through apart from each other.
I was listening to this song by Cat Power that explains exactly what I was feeling about our friendship. Even though in the song Cat Power is singing about a man that she loved but had to leave, because she wanted to be a good women. But the great thing about music is that you can find a way to relate to it. And I found it with this song. Even though she was more like a sister to me, and even though I loved her so much for being there through everything. I had to leave our friendship, because I wanted to be a good women. Her bad qualities brought out my bad qualities, and my bad qualities brought out her bad qualities.
I hope that down the road, when we have grown more as people, and found ourselves we will be able to re-establish our friendship, but until then I have to go through my life changes on my own.
People come and go, but hopefully one day they will return.
(Side Note: If you have depression and/or thinking of suicide, please seek professional help right away. I know it is a scary thing to go through, and you may feel that nothing will help, but I have been there, and I am telling you there is help. You can get through it, and you are loved. Talk to a loved one, and seek professional help.)