A note to those who second guess me.

I’m not a writer.

 

I’ve wanted to be a writer my whole life up until the 10th grade, when a teacher of mine told me that I write like George Bush talks. So I am not a writer. But I write anyways..even when I have nothing to say. I lost my voice this past year. Not literally of course, but metaphorically. I failed to stand my ground and let people use me and accepted the position of being the second choice in people’s lives when I should have been the first. I need my voice back…I demand my voice back.

I’ve had enough of being second best…I’ve had enough of people telling me that I’m not good enough in the things I pursue. I’m tired of people telling me that I am not good enough to be their first choice. I’m tired of accepting it. So I am not going to accept the position of second best anymore. I’m not going to listen to the negativity and I am going to keep writing.  may not be the the prettiest, the smartest, the most eloquent or the most gifted writer. But I am pretty, I am smart, I am eloquent and I AM a writer. I may not be the most or best in any of these things, but I am still ALL of these things.

 

Happy New Year.

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Last Hurrah!

The time to leave for school is approaching fast! & I am trying to make the most of it. I am going to miss my new friends dearly and I’m trying to fit as much time together with them as possible. It’s safe to say that between work and hanging out..I have not slept in a very long time!

aaaaand here is my favorite pre-going out song to jam to. Enjoy!!

Stressed! But lookin good

 

(Lipstick is “Russian Red” by MAC)

So much to do and so little time. This is horrible for a professional procrastinator such as myself. Honestly; I believe a lot of my procrastination is a form of self sabotage. At times my procrastination tends to screw me over big time…or it work out great. Don’t really know how it will turn out this time.

My mind spins when I think of all I still have to do! All I can do is just breath and take things one step at a time & try not to go into full panic mode. I believe I should just write a list of everything I need to get done. For someone with the memory of a gold fish, this seems like a step in the right direction. I think I will just compose a list of things on my mind for you guys right now :]

List number one: Things that are worrying me/bothering me

1.) My number one stress factor right now is school (which hasn’t even started yet!) Taking care of appointments, appeal letters, job transfers…it’s a lot to handle in three weeks!

2.) A guy that I am completely over & had nothing to do with in the first place…Let’s just not go there.

3.) Mending bridges. Before I leave I really need to do some apologizing to some people that I care about dearly. All the stress has made me take it out on the ones closest to me & it really isn’t fair.

4.) The future

List number 2: Things to smile about

1.) School! It’s a bit oxymoronic I know hehe. The same thing that is stressing me out beyond belief is also one of the reasons for my smile.

2.) This new guy that puts a smile on my face everyday without fail. I can say with complete honestly that I have never liked someone or clicked with someone o easily before. We talk every day and every night without fail. It’s refreshing and I can not wait to see where it goes.

3.) Work! I absolutely love my new job. The atmosphere and the people are absolutely amazing. I have built such great friendships already (& I am not one who easily calls someone a friend) Even though I have been with this branch for a short period of time and I will be transferring soon, I know that I will always be connected to these girls for a lifetime.

4.) The future! Although scary and worrisome, I know I am going to take it by storm :]

Roommates

As you may know (or not) I will be going away to school in a very short amount of time. The thought of actually starting school at a private university away from home is all so exciting and scary at the same time! I’m excited to meet new people, build new relationships & of course classes!! (I know…I’m one of the few people on the planet that actually likes learning) but I am also scared about being on my own. I have never been away from my family before & coming from an overly large family where I am constantly surrounded by family, it is going to be scary to have none of them.

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Luckily I will not be the only person who feels this way, so there is some comfort that people will be able to relate. You know they say, “misery loves company”…Though I doubt I will be “miserable.” On a more exciting note, I have finally found out who my roommate is!! I actually have two, since they put me in a triple dorm room. One of them actually lives right here in Rochester, so i will be able to meet her and get to know her. I thought it would be a good idea to go dorm room shopping together, so that we could collectively decide how our new space should look. I look forward to meeting her in person!

This is such an exciting/scary time in my life, but I would not change this for anything in the world.

Bits of my week

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1. The best “Aztec Iced Coffee” i have ever eaten w/ mint chocolate cake that i shared with my girls as a nightcap at 2am

2. Dinner at Taverns 58 on Gibbs. They literally have the  best macaroni in the world. You can quote me on that!

3. …and John’s Tex Mex has the best Quesadilla’s in the world. You can quote me on that as well :]

4. Dippin my feet in the water at Linear Park.

5. I am dying to buy this dress from Delia*s!

6. Checking out the menu at the local sub shop

7/8. This girl came into my job & i just had to snap a pic of her tattoos. I am dying to get inked!

9. I couldn’t resist the urge to snap a pic of this bridge, while on my way to my college orientation (that went amazingly well btw) & then I had to mess around with instagram.

Since moving back to Rochester, life has been moving at the speed of light. i am constantly on the move! Between preparing for school, my new job & juggling some form of a social life I seem to be having a bit of a problem with time management. However it is a learning experience. One that i am really enjoying, despite the stressful of it all!

Thank God for the iPhone!!!

I have finally hopped onto the iPhone bandwagon. I have long debated whether or not to go HTC or iPhone…. Can you guess which one I picked?? Tehe. I am absolutely in love!! Not to mention it makes it so much easier to blog seeing as how I have the worlds craziest work schedule.

Speaking of work, I GOT A PROMOTION!!! Just a little over a month and I have been upgraded to manager status. It seems this month is full of upgrades 🙂

Expect to hear a lot more from me loves… I’m doing big things and there ain’t no stopping me!

So I’m off to work, but I have to start the day off right 😉 what do you have planned for today??

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Wait….What’s this??

…Oh nothing. Just me! Doing my first blog post in what seems like eons. So much has changed since I moved back to New York & I love every minute of it. While living in Florida, I felt stunted. Things weren’t moving fast enough for me, and everything was a hassle!! I can truly say that I love being back home with friends and family…not to mention this winter has been a blessing. I must say that the only thing I was dreading were the horrific winters I remembered from my childhood, but it seems I brought a piece of Florida back with me haha.

So here is a little update on the in’s and out’s of my life. (Broken up into sections for convenience hehe)

WORK: As you know I recently got a job. I can’t believe it’s only been a month!! I feel like I have been working there for years. It is a great learning experience. On the upside, I love helping customers find that perfect piece that they have been looking for, but has managed to elude them for quite sometimes & I love feeling so useful!

On the downside I have realized how mean spirited and down right malicious people can be! It makes me think “Does high school ever end?!” However; I have handled things pretty nicely & things are looking better in that aspect. Now let’s see if it can stay that way.

PERSONAL: My personal life is looking a lot better as well hehe. I have entered a new relationship that I am really happy with :] The only downside is that it is a long distance one :[ I have known him for about 4 years now, so I guess it makes the long distance thing easier…and hard at the same time. It’ complicated, but it’s working out great so far. Gotta love Skype lol

OTHER: Now for my thoughts hehe. With everything that is going on, I have come to realize that I SUCK at managing money. It’s not too bad, because I don’t have any serious bills, but I feel this is a habit I should nip in the bud early. Luckily I found a website that helps me do this!! It’s called Mint.com and it basically tracks all of your spending and tells you what you need to do to get on track. It has pie charts and everything!! You can even set budgets and goals for yourself and it tells you how much you need to put away for each goal based on your income and spending habits. It truly is great :] On the downside, this site is making me realize that my iPhone purchase will have to wait. It’s more of a want, than a need. What I need is sturdy shoes, because being on my feet all day from work is killing me. I’m thinking a new pair of TOMS is in order…maybe two :] Whatever the case, I am definitely getting these Burlap Women’s Bimini Stitchouts How effing adorable are these!?!?!

 Ohhh…before I leave you to enjoy your day, here is the soundtrack I listened to while writing this post :] ENJOY!!!

http://8tracks.com/mixes/597511/player_v3

Ladies got something to say. from toomuchcoffee on 8tracks.

Lana Del Rey

I am thoroughly obsessed with Lizzy Grant a.k.a Lana Del Rey. (Is it me or does she kind of look like Julia Roberts??) This smoky-voiced hipster has been on full blast repeat, ever since I discovered her. She can be a bit on the morbid side, but that is what I like about her (I’m not weird) Well; I am so sorry for the super short post, but I am still getting over my 24 hour virus. I spent the better part of yesterday with my head stuck in a barf bag. Still not feeling so hot, but I summoned all of my energy to share Lana Del Rey with you all [: I hope you enjoy!

Update

Well I owe you all an update. I am absolutely loving my new job & it is going absolutely great. Of course there was one little bump in the road, but nothing I can’t handle. I have settled in long enough to feel comfortable sharing my new place of employment hehe. I am proudly employed by Delia*s. An amazing clothing store, that I most likely will be spending a good portion of my check at.

I really feel as though I have been off my blogging game, and for that I apologize. With the excitement of work and all, I have been slackin in the blogging department. The good part is that now I have so much to blog about and tell you. So this is just a short update! But no worries. There will be much more to come.

CIAO!

PS. What have all of you been up too??

GOOD NEWS!!

I don’t think a simple “I’m sorry” will suffice for being M.I.A. So I will just tell you everything that has been going on. First things first….

I GOT A JOB!!!!!! 

Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest. I have been looking for a job for the longest and I am just so happy that I finally have one. Plus, it is at a store that I la la love. I know they say you shouldn’t work at a place you adore, but what the heck. I still went ahead and did it. What can I say? I’m a rule breaker! I don’t want to reveal too much. So for now, I’m keeping where I work under wraps till I get settled.

I got the news yesterday. I can honestly tell you that I sat staring at my phone for what seemed like hours waiting for the call. The anticipation was killing me, but well worth the wait.

“I’d rather wait one week for the right answer, than one day for the wrong one.”- Downton Abbey

So for the past two day’s I have been in the best mood ever. I spent the day cleaning and preparing dinner & I just did some killer yoga. Now I am just enjoying a “Green Monster.” Which I recommend everyone try. It is the best post workout drink ever & super easy to make :]

So tell me!  How have all of you been???

Well I Say…Keep Calm & Carry On

Well I say we are all creators of our own destiny. We wish, we hope, we pray and we dream. That only get’s us so far though. We have to carry our hopes and our dreams in our heart, because that is the fuel that get’s us to where we are supposed to be. That is the fuel that gives us the strength to take on all the hard work and gives us the perseverance to continue everyday.

You may be wondering where t his is coming from…well, the other day I was feeling down and out. Like I didn’t have a future & that my dreams would never come true. I was fearful of the future and my place in it. Then I realized that I am not the only person with these same fears…these same doubts. So this is for all the self doubters out there. The one’s that feel like giving up and breaking down. The one’s who stare at the future and feel completely and utterly lost.

I want to tell you that I too have your same doubts and fears. I too, know what it’s like to have that voice in your head telling you to just give up and let it go. That voice of self doubt get’s so loud sometimes that it almost drowns out the other voice deep inside of you. The one that whispers quietly in the corner of your mind. The one telling you that you should not throw in the towel. The one telling you that you are worthy and that you can achieve anything you want to.

Hang on to that voice. Don’t let your self doubt drown it out.

I’m Curvy and I’m Proud

Fashion mags, don't you just love them? Special or not, they've got to slip a naked shot in there somewhere.

I have struggled with my weight ever since I was a little girl. In the 5th grade, I was a size 16. No one ever bullied me about my weight or anything cruel like that. I was lucky enough to have an amazing group of friends and I never once felt like I was being ridiculed.

Nevertheless, my weight was always a problem for me, and my self-esteem. Especially during my Junior High- High school years. I remember dreading P.E class! I would often pray that school rules would change and they would have separate P.E classes. One for boys and one for girls, because I was so insecure about my body and I didn’t want any of the boys to see me run (well…attempt to run) or anything else. Especially, because I had a crush on a boy that was in my P.E class (oh the memories)

The time I really broke down, was when we had to swim for P.E class. I was dreading having to put on a bathing suite. I begged my mom to write me a note to get me out of swimming. I was balling and telling her that I wasn’t comfortable & like any parent, she tried to reassure me that when I get older I would look back on this day and laugh. Of course she was right, but my pre-teen self was having none of it. I would sit in a bathroom stall in the locker rooms and just cry. Half of the time I would get out of swimming by crying wolf & claim that I wasn’t feeling well. The other half I would have to suck it up and join everybody. I would put on ginormous T-shirts to put over my bathing suite and try to hide behind the group of girls to avoid being seen. It was an awful time for me…but that was then.

At 20 years of age, I can honestly say that I am proud of my curves and that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I will admit, I am skinnier than I have ever been in my life. However; I am by no means skinny. I have curves and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have learned to accept my body & I learned to find what clothes work for me and what does not. I am no longer ashamed to wear a bathing suite in public and I no longer dread going shopping. In fact…I love shopping!

At a young age, we are bread to believe that skinny is beautiful, skinny is healthy. That is not always the case. You have to listen to your body, because everybody is different. Some people have an over active metabolism, like my cousin. She weighs 99 pounds and hates being so skinny. She tries desperately to put on some weight, but that isn’t how her body is built. Everyone has body image issues. Whether you are curvy like me, or skinny like my cousin. Embrace yourself, because you are beautiful.

X-sexy in black and white.